Dad Version 2.0
By Dan Coulter
I just had a great Father’s Day.
At one point, enjoying the day with my family, I considered how a dad’s role has changed as my kids have grown older. I
think a lot of dads are getting better.
I see more and more dads who are taking a larger role in their kids'
lives, especially dads of children with special needs. Fewer dads
who bury themselves in work and tell themselves that their
contribution is to make a living for the family. More dads who
share homework help and school meetings and doctor visits with moms.
Of course, some dads have always been full partners in raising kids.
Some dads are raising kids alone and doing an incredible job. But
many of us, myself included, have had to upgrade our concept of a
dad’s responsibilities. Especially those of us who had very
traditional “Dad Version 1.0” role models.
It can be a rocky transition to “Dad 2.0”. When you take on a new
role, it’s like starting a new job. You don’t know all the ropes and
you can make mistakes. If you’re used to excelling at your previous
jobs, it can be frustrating to make what seem like bone-headed
parenting bloopers.
But it’s all part of the process. It helps to remind yourself that
nobody gets it perfect. Babe Ruth’s baseball career batting average
was .342. Hank Aaron’s was .305. Two of the most celebrated sluggers
who ever played the game succeeded in hitting the ball less than
half the times they came to bat.
To take the baseball analogy a little further, it’s always a good
idea to do some scouting. Observe your kids. Figure out what
motivates them and use what you learn to make the time you spend
with them a better experience for everyone. Moms usually make great
scouts. You can get probably get all sorts of positive information
from a mom about your kids if you just ask. You might also take some batting
practice. Think through what you’re going to say to your kids before you
say it and consider how they might react.
I’ve mentioned before that my wife and I are working on two videos to help
siblings understand their brothers and sisters who have autism or
Asperger Syndrome. Some of the dads we interviewed for these
programs are real Dad 2.0
role models.
One talks about a support group he's started for fathers of kids who have
Asperger Syndrome.
A compassionate step-father describes working hard to help his
neurotypical step-daughter understand that the family sometimes
can't give her what she wants because they're committing resources
toward giving their autistic daughter what she needs.
A dad whose autistic son has
severe meltdowns explains how he tries to see things from his son's
point of view to give him insights to help calm things down.
A father who describes his
wife as "the main caregiver" urges dads to stay home and spend “daddy time” with the
kids, while giving mom a regular night out with her friends. He also
recommends not being afraid to try things that haven’t worked in the
past, noting that his autistic son has now learned to behave in
restaurants after a long period when the family had just stopped
eating out.
A dad with both autistic and neurotypical sons advises, “You have to
live in the present and pray for the future…you have to live life to
the fullest like anyone else. You cannot allow autism to lock you up
in a box.”
Showing our kids we care and pushing ourselves out of our comfort
zones is all part of being a good dad, especially if you have kids
with special needs. It’s a way to ensure you don’t miss any “Dad
2.0.1” or “Dad 2.0.2” updates, and prepare to be absolutely compatible
with that “Dad 3.0” upgrade that’s bound to come.
You might even be
the one who writes the code.
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR - Dan Coulter is the producer of the videos
"Understanding Brothers and Sisters on the Autism Spectrum," which
will be released in late June, 2007,
and "Understanding Brothers and Sisters with Asperger Syndrome,"
which will be released in August, 2007. You can find more
articles on his website at
www.coultervideo.com.
Copyright
2007 Dan Coulter All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.
