Becoming Dad
the Incomparable (A Father’s Day Refection)
By Dan
Coulter
I was awake most
of the night last night –- lying in bed thinking about being a dad.
And thinking about two truths: It’s tough being a dad. It’s great
being a dad.
It’s easy to get
caught up in the first truth, especially if you have a child with
problems or special needs. But the second truth is where all the fun
is – and where you find the power to be the father your kids want and
need.
The first truth is
never going to go away. But when you focus on it, spending time with
your kids is an obligation. The second truth is more powerful. It’s
what you feel after the birth of your child. It’s what you know when
you look at that tiny face and see all the positive possibilities.
It’s what you understand when you first make your baby laugh.
We all have ups
and downs as dads. But if you could, wouldn’t you lock yourself in
the great moments? The times when your kids think you’re the best dad
in the world? Dad the Incomparable, Lord High Protector and
Benevolent Fun Machine! The guy who gets mobbed by a blur of childish
joy when he hits the door and hears, “Daddy!!!”
I found a way.
Look at a picture.
Yes. It’s that
simple.
Go around the
house and search through the pictures you have of your child. Check
the photo box in the closet. Find one that freezes time and brings
back everything you felt and promised him when he was a baby; when she
was a toddler. If there’s more than one of your kids in the picture,
or you have a picture of each, that’s great.
Put the picture
you choose in your wallet or a plastic protector. Take out the
picture and look at it once an hour. Everyday.
It puts things in
perspective. It can help you hold your daughter’s face in your mind
to ease tense times at work. It can make you eager to get home to
spend time with your son. It can make you more patient when you’re
dealing with your kids and help you really listen when they talk.
It can help you
stop and think before you criticize your son, “Is this the way I want
him to remember me the rest of his life?” The small picture in your
wallet can help you see the big picture. If you treat every contact
with your child as one that might stand out in his mind as he grows
up, will you treat him differently? The picture can help you do
things the way you really want to do them anyway -- and make your kids
want to always try their hardest to make their dad proud.
It usually takes
something big to change our lives. But sometimes, we can change our
own lives with little things, like looking at a picture.
ABOUT THE
AUTHOR: Dan Coulter is the writer/producer of the
video: “ASPERGER SYNDROME DAD: Becoming An Even Better Father To Your
Child With AS.” You can find additional articles on his website at:
www.coultervideo.com.
Copyright 2004
Dan Coulter All Rights Reserved Used by Permission
