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How Much Advice Is Too Much?
By Dan Coulter
How much advice is too much?
When it comes to our children, it’s sometimes hard to know where and
when to draw the line. Sometimes a dramatic incident draws it for
us.
At the recent birthday party of my friend, Bill, we talked about a
legendary high school basketball game. I recalled the game, but Bill
was on our team and remembered some crucial advice interaction
between the opposing coach and one of his players in great detail.
Our team, the Central High Bulldogs, was 10 points behind in an away
game against a team I’ll call the Wildcats (not their actual team
name) with two minutes left on the clock. Several of our starters
had fouled out. Things looked bleak.
But then, the remaining Bulldog starters and substitutes rallied. In
the stands, we screamed as our team repeatedly scored -- and cut the
Wildcat lead to two points. The noise level in the Wildcat gym rose
higher and higher. One of the Wildcat starters, a superb ball
handler, got possession. From the bench, my friend Bill heard the
Wildcat coach frantically shout, “Don’t lose the ball!”
Catching his coach’s voice amidst the roar of the crowd, the Wildcat
player with the ball glanced over and called, “What, coach?” That
momentary distraction gave Barry, one of our Bulldog subs, the
opportunity of his high school basketball career. Barry stole the
ball, drove down the court with Wildcat players in hot pursuit and
scored a layup with five seconds left, tying the score. The game
went into overtime.
If the Bulldog fans had been going crazy before, now we went
berserk. Two overtime periods later, our voices hoarse from
screaming, we stomped the bleachers with our approval as a Bulldog
starter, Cliff, sank a free throw with one second left to win the
game by one point. We poured onto the court.
Barry learned that you don’t have to be a starter to become a high
school sports hero. And maybe a coach learned that there’s a point
when you need to stop coaching, because your advice can become
interference.
As our children grow older, some of us find it hard to break the
habit of telling them what to do. If we can stop and think each time
we’re tempted to offer advice, and only pass along the essential
stuff, we may find our offspring are more willing to listen.
We may even find that children who’ve gotten used to tuning us out,
actually let us touch the Holy Grail of parenting, and ask for our
input.
Stranger things have happened.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR -- Dan Coulter is the producer of ten DVDs about
Asperger Syndrome and autism, including the new employment guide
video "Asperger Syndrome at Work.” You can find more articles on his
website: www.coultervideo.com.
Copyright 2010 Dan Coulter All Rights
Reserved. Used by Permission.
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