Moms and Unpredictability
By Julie Coulter
Years
ago, I was driving our minivan west on Georgia Route 316 towards the
orthodontist's office in Duluth with the kids in the back seats when
I heard my son, Drew, say, “Mom, I have a gum wrapper stuck up my
nose.” Staying focused on keeping the car on the road, I calmly
said, “Can you try and blow your nose and see if it will come out?”
You see, Drew had braces on his teeth at the time and couldn’t chew
gum. Someone had left a gum wrapper in the little cup holder in the
very back of the van. Since he was very observant and had noticed
it and since he couldn’t chew gum, he said he just wanted to “smell
it.” So he had held the little rolled up wrapper up to his nose
and...
We didn’t
learn how to deal with this in those weeks of childbirth classes
prior to Drew’s birth. We didn’t learn a lot of what we would need
to raise children. Maybe the fact that we missed the last
childbirth class because we were in the birthing room that day when
Drew arrived ten days early should have been a clue that life was
about to lose predictability. We certainly didn’t learn about life
with a child on the autism spectrum.
During
the last year, Dan and I have had the wonderful opportunity of
meeting families who live everyday with children and young adults on
the autism spectrum, while producing our videos for the siblings of
those on the autism spectrum and with Asperger Syndrome. In most of
the interviews, Dan ran the camera and I was the interviewer,
talking to the parents and children who have family members on the
autism spectrum. Many times, I found myself fighting back tears in
listening to the mothers tell about how they have learned to support
their children, work with school teachers and officials, teach
themselves how to parent a child with special needs, and cope with a
life that came as a series of surprises. I listened to their
stories of hard-earned achievement and triumph as their children
learned new things and made steps forward.
One thing
is predictable in the world of the autism community: watching our
unpredictable children succeed in their attempts to learn to deal
with unpredictable daily living makes us very proud.
Oh, yeah,
about the gum wrapper. You will be relieved to know that our 23
year old son is not walking around with a gum wrapper up his nose.
My advice doesn’t always work, but that day, it did. Drew blew out
the wrapper. Some days, he and I handle the unpredictable very
well. Some days, we struggle.
Doing
these interviews reminded me what a tremendous resource mothers can
be for each other. I am so very thankful for the chance to learn
from others how they handle their unpredictable days. When we need
support or advice, it helps to remind ourselves that we can turn to
family, friends, professionals, and especially, to others like
ourselves.
We are
not alone.
Happy
Mother’s Day!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR - Julie Coulter is the
co-producer of the Intricate Minds series of videos that help
classmates understand and accept students who have Asperger Syndrome
and autism. You can find more articles at her website at
www.coultervideo.com.
Copyright
2007 Julie Coulter All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.
