Liberate The
Neurotypicals!
By Dan
Coulter
Poor neurotypicals. Sometimes they just don’t have a clue.
What’s a neurotypical? It’s a label for someone who doesn’t have
Asperger Syndrome or “AS.” (I don’t know who coined the term, but I
first heard it used by Dr. Peter Gerhardt.) We can call neurotypicals
“NT’s” for short.
When an NT first encounters someone with Asperger Syndrome, he or she
often sees quirky AS behaviors as a warning. “Opps, something wrong
with this one. Better stay clear.”
Many NT’s routinely erect mental barriers between themselves and
people with AS, without realizing they’re walling themselves off from
some really bright, interesting people. “Barrier behavior” can range –
especially in kids -- from avoiding or ignoring people with AS to
taunting, harassing or taking advantage of them.
Let’s call this Barrier Behavior Disorder (BBD). Unfortunately, BBD
doesn’t tend to fix itself. So who’s going to break down these
barriers and free the neurotypicals?
Um, that would be you and me. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably
either got AS, have someone in your family with AS and/or know a lot
about AS. There’s nobody more qualified to enlist in the NT-BBD
liberation movement.
While I’m sympathetic to anyone with AS who doesn’t want to widely
disclose the fact, I also know of plenty of instances where
neurotypical behavior changed for the better after someone took the
trouble to help an NT understand Asperger Syndrome and what it does
and doesn’t mean.
It’s natural to feel awkward when you’re confronted with something new
and don’t know how to react. So let’s tell neurotypicals a bit about
Asperger Syndrome and explain how to react when a person talks
obsessively about one subject -- or makes blunt observations -- or
can’t seem to ever find quite the right words to say. They’ll be much
more likely to interact long enough to see some of the strengths a
person with AS has.
What I’m talking about goes beyond disclosure. I’m talking about an
education campaign that can make life a lot better for all concerned.
You can start on a small scale. Are you concerned about what would
happen if the police stopped your daughter who gets very upset with
authority figures? My wife got a very positive reception when she held
a seminar on Asperger Syndrome for local police.
Does your son shop at a local store? Maybe you could offer to do a
quick talk on AS to a gathering of the store’s cashiers just before or
after store hours.
It helps if you keep your presentation short (you can do a lot in 5 or
10 minutes if you prepare properly) and if you describe specific
behaviors and make suggestions about dealing with them. For example:
* If a customer is nervous and has a hard time finding the right
words, it helps to be patient and friendly and don’t rush the
customer.
* If a customer doesn’t seem to understand a part of the checkout
procedure (for example, gives a checkout clerk his money before the
item he is buying) just explain in a friendly way that you need to see
the item he’s buying so you’ll know how much to charge him.
* Be careful not to talk to an adult or teenager having difficulties
like you would talk to a small child, just explain things clearly in
the same friendly tone of voice you’d use to give directions to an
adult who didn’t know where in the store to find the hardware
department.
Of course, the idea for this education initiative didn’t start with
me. There are plenty of folks already out there helping neurotypicals
learn about AS. But if you’re new to the campaign, here’s a tip: it
helps to stress the benefits for both people with AS and for your
intended audience when you’re proposing presentations.
Most store managers, for example, should see the benefits of having
their employees know how to deal with a situation calmly and avoid
possible incidents where shopping is disrupted. Most police want to
have good relations with the community and appreciate having accurate
information when they deal with a person who has special needs. You’re
not telling people how to do their jobs; you’re giving them
information that will help them make good decisions in situations
they’re likely to encounter.
A father recently told me that his teenage son with Asperger Syndrome
got upset anytime they were driving together and saw a police car. The
father said he planned not only to talk with the local police about
AS, but that he’d ask if an officer would be willing to do a practice
traffic stop. After some preparation and discussion, the son could
drive across a parking lot and an officer could “pull him over” and
help him practice the right way to respond to a police officer in that
situation.
What a good idea!
Which brings up another point. Asperger Syndrome support groups are
great places to go for resources and ideas. (The ASPEN organization in
New Jersey is an excellent example of an AS support and education
organization. You can find out more information about ASPEN at
www.aspennj.org.) If you’re not the best public speaker in the world,
maybe you can enlist another parent to help you make presentations.
And maybe you can help the other parent in some other way.
There are also times when it helps to turn to a professional.
A mother recently wrote me about dramatic changes in classmate
attitudes after a psychologist gave a presentation about Asperger
Syndrome to a school assembly. The presentation helped the students
understand what having AS was like and how kids with AS just wanted to
be treated like everyone else. The mother said that kids who had
routinely shunned and teased her son came up to him after the assembly
to apologize. In the days the followed, classmates began including him
in activities and sitting with him at lunch.
My wife and I have spent a lot of time with our son who has AS,
helping him with his social skills and preparing him to interact with
people in a variety of real-world situations. There are plenty of
times where he’s going to be out there and just have to cope. But
anything he, and we, can do to help people understand what AS means
and meet him halfway tends to level the playing field -- so he’s not
fighting barriers that shouldn’t be there in the first place.
It’s sometimes amazing how great people can be if you just let them
know what’s going on and give them a chance.
So let’s all work to eradicate NT-BBD.
Our neurotypical friends deserve nothing less.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dan Coulter is the writer/producer of the video,
“INTRICATE MINDS: Understanding Classmates with Asperger Syndrome.”
You can find more articles on his website at: www.coultervideo.com.
Copyright 2005 Dan
Coulter All Rights Reserved
