Sending Clear
Signals
By Dan Coulter
My son is a
careful driver. He uses his turn signals and appreciates other
drivers who do the same – especially when he sees folks who don’t.
I appreciate products I have to assemble that come with clear
instructions -- because I’ve wrestled with some that didn’t. I also
appreciate callers who leave clear answering machine messages –-
because I’ve had voicemail where callers rattled off a phone number
so fast I couldn’t understand it. I didn’t feel kindly as I
replayed the message again and again trying to catch the call-back
number.
I believe most of
these communications transgressions aren’t intentional. I think
most happen when someone is in a hurry or distracted and
absent-mindedly assumes that someone else knows what he thinks or
intends.
Communicating
poorly seems so obviously wrong and annoying when someone does it to
us – and so innocent when we do it to others.
Like my son, I’m
in the habit of using my turn signals, but there have been plenty of
times when I could have communicated my thoughts more clearly.
It’s easy to
assume that you’re communicating effectively when you’re not. Say
you’re talking to a coworker about something your boss did, then you
change the subject and start talking about a customer. After a
while you get another sudden thought about your boss and say, “He
really should have told us before he switched the schedule.” Your
coworker is confused because he thinks you’re still talking about
the customer. He didn’t follow your mental process as it switched
back to the earlier conversation.
Sometimes the
problem is familiarity. I remember my wife complaining that she
couldn’t understand the instructions from workers at the department
of motor vehicles where we used to live. After giving the same
directions to people in line thousands of times, the workers rushed
through them and ran their words together.
In one of my
corporate jobs, our department bought a computer-controlled
multi-media presentation system. The day we were scheduled to learn
to use it, the trainer called in sick and they sent a sales person
to fill in. As a teacher, he was a disaster. He ran through the
instructions so fast that none of us could keep up. Then he got
impatient because we weren’t absorbing his information barrage. He
knew the complex system inside and out, so its operation was obvious
to him. He thought we just weren’t listening hard enough.
As parents and
teachers, we need to be careful not to make these mistakes with our
kids and students. I’ve spent more than two decades in
communications-related jobs, and I learned early that success isn’t
measured by what you do or say, but by what your audience absorbs.
With a new school
year starting, parents can clearly communicate to kids that you have
high expectations and that you’re available to help them succeed.
You can follow this up by helping your student get into the habit of
having homework done before bedtime, setting out clothes, organizing
backpacks and gym bags, and making other preparations. Of course,
your focus should always be on helping your child take on these
responsibilities himself. You also want to communicate to teachers
that you take an active part in your child’s education and that you
need to hear promptly if there are any problems that your child
needs to address –- or any opportunities that might enhance his
school year.
Teachers need to
communicate their expectations to students and be clear about the
kind of work and quality of work it will take to excel. It also
helps to let students know how to ask for help if they’re having
trouble with the coursework –- especially in ways that won’t
embarrass them in front of other students. Always posting
assignments in the same place, handing out written instructions and
posting assignments on a school website are good options to ensure
students know what work to do and by what deadline. By providing
clear expectations and instructions, you’re serving as an excellent
role model for them to follow when it’s their turn to communicate.
When it comes to
the nuts and bolts of communicating, here are some “best practice”
tips I’ve picked up over the years that can help get a message
across whether you’re trying to connect with one person or a
thousand.
THINK BEFORE YOU
SPEAK. What does the person you’re talking to know about what
you’re going to say? Is he familiar with it, or is the subject new
to him? This will help you choose your words.
START WITH A
HEADLINE. Headlines are designed to tell readers as much as
possible about a story in the fewest possible words. Starting with
a headline helps your listeners mentally prepare to absorb what
you’re going to say. For example, your headline might be: “Mom and
Son Make List to Shop for School Supplies.” Next you translate your
headline into real language and say to your son, “We need to go
shopping for school supplies today. Let’s make a list of what
you’ll need.” This communicates your plans for the day much more
clearly than musing aloud, “You can probably use last year’s
binders, but we need to get you some paper refills...”
USE INVERTED
PYRAMID STYLE. This is a technique journalism students learn
early. Basically, it means you put the most important information
at the top of your story and the least important information at the
bottom. That way, if someone only reads a part of the story –- or
if an editor cuts off part of your article, the readers still get
the information they need most. When you’re giving instructions,
whoever you’re talking to gets the same benefit if the first words
out of your mouth cover the key points you want to make.
There are
exceptions to this rule. For example, you may want to build
suspense and then surprise your listeners for effect. But in most
cases, your audience will appreciate your giving them the big
picture and then filling in the details.
TREAT YOUR
AUDIENCE AS CUSTOMERS. Thinking of your audience as customers can
help you keep them interested by meeting their needs. Consider what
they want -- and use it. Trying to convince teenagers to use good
grooming? Appealing to their need to impress the opposite sex is
usually a good tactic.
BREAK OUT OF YOUR
RUT. If you routinely give the same instructions or information,
it’s hard to maintain your enthusiasm. Look for new words, or new
methods, to deliver the goods. Finding fresh ways to communicate
helps keep you energized and makes your audience more receptive.
BE CONCISE. It’s
easy to lose an audience. Saying what you have to say in as few
words as possible can help you stay within listeners’ attention
spans and help them remember what you’ve said.
SEEK FEEDBACK.
Watching faces while you talk or asking your audience for questions
can help you make sure you’re not wasting their time – or yours.
ENCOURAGE NOTE
TAKING. If your message or instructions are long or complicated,
taking notes can help your audience lock what they hear or see into
their memories. People have better recall after they take notes,
even if they never look back at what they’ve written.
To sum up, the
next time you’re about to communicate, put yourself in the position
of the person or group that you’re trying to reach and think,
-
What do I really
need to get across?
-
How would I like to
get this information?
-
How can I be
interesting, clear and concise?
As for turn
signals, try thinking about how well drivers are communicating every
time you see them using or neglecting their turn indicators.
Effective
communications are always worth an extra thought.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dan Coulter is the writer/producer of the
video, "Manners for the Real World: Basic Social Skills" and other
educational products. You
can read more articles on his website at: www.coultervideo.com.
Copyright 2006 Dan Coulter All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.
